I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
