worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she pinky promised me she was 18
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
this hospital has no fireball
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
