what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
