trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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