apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
