u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
