Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
