She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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