i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
