So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We don't watch enough power rangers
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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