Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
