did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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