Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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