that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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