so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
