Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
