I cut my penus on the lid.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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