We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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