I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
