I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
