u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
