Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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