I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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