I want to have your abortion
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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