Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
