you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
