We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
