Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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