It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
