According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
