there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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