I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
