i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
