Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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