my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
