I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
