doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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