I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
