i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
