Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
