btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
