idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
