A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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