Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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