Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
