I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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