so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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