I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
