My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Randomize
