You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
