if you like me you must not know who I am
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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