I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
